..... Originally posted on Tuesday, December 28, 2010 .....
Hmmm ... well, I don't really even know where or how to start this current post. So many things have happened since my last post that I will do my best to highlight what has happened and then maybe go back and do fill you in in-depth later.
Highlight #1:
The reason my marriage didn't "work out" - yeah, his family has a history of family violence. I didn't know. This information was disclosed to me by my sister-in-law about 3 years ago. Things that didn't work in our relationship started to "click".
In Fall of 2009, after seeking help, talking, berating, working on "relationship" issues and seeking to understand how my husband would have been affected by witnessing and experiencing abuse as a child, I asked him for a separation.
His response?
Get a shotgun and barricade himself in the bedroom.
(Up to the point of our actual separation, he denied his childhood experiences had anything to do with our current problems. Yeah. Right.)
Now, I am leaving out some major details. Suffice it to say, this was the absolute SCARIEST, most TRAUMATIC moment in my life. I left. IMMEDIATELY. Police came. He was removed. The following Monday I filed a restraining order and began the process of separating myself from him; mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially and legally.
A lot has happened since that time. As I look back on that moment I am competely aware that not only was he threatening to take his own life but mine as well. I am thankful for God's grace in that moment and since.
I guess one reason I am back here blogging now is to help others who find themselves in a similar situation.
I am now (always was - just didn't realize it) a single mom with four kids. Yup. Four. And we are making it! You can too! More on that later ...
Highlight #2
The court system/family law SUCKS. If you think you will get satisfaction from the court system. You will not. Do not put your faith in "the system". The best you can do is educate yourself on how the system works and the profile of abusers.
Here are some recommended readings to help:
Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
Refuge: A Pathway Out of Domestic Violence & Abuse
The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to recognize it and how to respond
This is not at all a comprehensive list of books that may be helpful. There are dozens more. However, these three in particular are ones that have helped me develop a better understanding or my own situation and how to respond.
Highlight #3:
God is in the details.
Always.
How can I say that? Well, I will add more to the posts here as time goes on ... but let me just say my faith has grown by leaps and bounds during this time of crisis. My finances, my health, my children, and yes, even my *GASP* love life is very much of interest to God.
The most important thing I have learned in all of this is that God loves me. He cares about me. He is intimately concerned with EVERY detail of my life. He pursues me as a lover would his love interest. Aside from the beautiful jewels of my children that I get out of the ashes of my failed marriage, I have a new love. One who is ALWAYS by my side, who will NEVER leave me, one who is there for me and loves me just as I am.
He pursues me RELENTLESSLY.
If you find yourself in my position; staring at the ashes of your failed marriage, wondering what will happen to your children, where you will live, maybe even how you will have enough money to put food on the table...stop. Take your eyes off the things of this world and raise them up. Look up. Reach out to your Heavenly Father and press in. Hard.
He will NEVER let you down.
Highlight #1:
The reason my marriage didn't "work out" - yeah, his family has a history of family violence. I didn't know. This information was disclosed to me by my sister-in-law about 3 years ago. Things that didn't work in our relationship started to "click".
In Fall of 2009, after seeking help, talking, berating, working on "relationship" issues and seeking to understand how my husband would have been affected by witnessing and experiencing abuse as a child, I asked him for a separation.
His response?
Get a shotgun and barricade himself in the bedroom.
(Up to the point of our actual separation, he denied his childhood experiences had anything to do with our current problems. Yeah. Right.)
Now, I am leaving out some major details. Suffice it to say, this was the absolute SCARIEST, most TRAUMATIC moment in my life. I left. IMMEDIATELY. Police came. He was removed. The following Monday I filed a restraining order and began the process of separating myself from him; mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially and legally.
A lot has happened since that time. As I look back on that moment I am competely aware that not only was he threatening to take his own life but mine as well. I am thankful for God's grace in that moment and since.
I guess one reason I am back here blogging now is to help others who find themselves in a similar situation.
I am now (always was - just didn't realize it) a single mom with four kids. Yup. Four. And we are making it! You can too! More on that later ...
Highlight #2
The court system/family law SUCKS. If you think you will get satisfaction from the court system. You will not. Do not put your faith in "the system". The best you can do is educate yourself on how the system works and the profile of abusers.
Here are some recommended readings to help:
Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
Refuge: A Pathway Out of Domestic Violence & Abuse
The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to recognize it and how to respond
This is not at all a comprehensive list of books that may be helpful. There are dozens more. However, these three in particular are ones that have helped me develop a better understanding or my own situation and how to respond.
Highlight #3:
God is in the details.
Always.
How can I say that? Well, I will add more to the posts here as time goes on ... but let me just say my faith has grown by leaps and bounds during this time of crisis. My finances, my health, my children, and yes, even my *GASP* love life is very much of interest to God.
The most important thing I have learned in all of this is that God loves me. He cares about me. He is intimately concerned with EVERY detail of my life. He pursues me as a lover would his love interest. Aside from the beautiful jewels of my children that I get out of the ashes of my failed marriage, I have a new love. One who is ALWAYS by my side, who will NEVER leave me, one who is there for me and loves me just as I am.
He pursues me RELENTLESSLY.
If you find yourself in my position; staring at the ashes of your failed marriage, wondering what will happen to your children, where you will live, maybe even how you will have enough money to put food on the table...stop. Take your eyes off the things of this world and raise them up. Look up. Reach out to your Heavenly Father and press in. Hard.
He will NEVER let you down.
No comments:
Post a Comment