I am a "Welfare" mom

How to address this issue ... As a result of my separation and divorce I have found myself in a precarious situation financially. I was not prepared to be the primary (financial) support for my family. In fact, much of my time was spent balancing my work/business with family obligations. In general the family obligations trumped work. It was an agreement I had with my partner at the time. Toward the end of our relationship, I was actually shouldering most, if not all, of the financial burden in additional to managing the household and tending to the children and their needs. Looking back, this was a breaking point for me. Again, without getting into too many details -- I was doing everything. It wasn't that I didn't ask for or want my partner's help ... in his brokenness he sabotaged even the simplest of family routines -- daily. (One reason why not being in daily relationship with him has actually made our lives somewhat easier.)

Initially as I separated from my ex, I was making a full time income running my private teaching business. However, as the court processes drug on, custody issues became more and more concerning, and I learned about the cycle of abuse and more on my part in contributing to the dysfunction, I knew that on my own I was not going to be able to support my family fully. Well, at least not while balancing the physical and emotional needs of all, as well as providing financially without some assistance.

So, what does a "welfare" mom look like?

She looks like me.

I have a Master's Degree. I have experience successfully operating my own small business. I have worked in public schools. I am accomplished. I am well-educated. I am driven.

During the transition of becoming a single parent responsible for a household of 5, I have had several comments made to me about being on and/or qualifying for assistance.

One such comment is:

"Gosh. You have a lot of kids. You should be getting assistance."

(I'm still waiting for that big government check to replace my income so I can quit working to support my family ...)

Other comments include:

"I wish I qualified for welfare (food stamps, etc)."

To the above comment, my thought is -- I wish I had a healthy, functioning partnership.

I would trade every dime of assistance for a HEALTHY, loving, supportive partner.

I would do this in a heartbeat because being dependent on welfare or any other kind of assistance isn't as easy or pleasant or fun as it might seem. If you have never found yourself in a position of not being able to provide for your family, please do not be jealous.

And, finally:

"When do you finally become self-sufficient so you don't have to depend on assistance programs?"

And, the answer to this is even more complicated. As a single parent with little (no) support (financial or otherwise) from the other parent, I find myself in a position that I'm not prepared for. I was the "supportive" partner with a mostly part-time income -- I was earning about 1/2 a full time income in my field but the trade-off was that I had flexibility in my schedule to tend to myself and my family while still managing my business. It seemed perfect.

And then, it all changed.

It is "possible" for me to work more, get a second job, maybe a third ... But then, who would pick up my kids and drive them to activities? Who will feed them dinner? When will health or medical appointments be made if I'm always gone? Who will they be able to talk to about school or friends or problems they are having if I'm never around?

So, for now, my children receive free/reduced lunch. My household qualifies for a small amount of food assistance. The state covers my children's medical. And, I have a subsidy for daycare and housing.

Would I trade all of this for a healthy, functional family unit?

Absolutely.

I am a Welfare mom.