On the edge ...

Well, folks, I will say that this isn't an unfamiliar place but I had worked so hard to find stability, safety and peace. And, suddenly I find myself without employment, in the middle of a drama similar to my own experience - finding I have to distance myself from - with a child acting out in aggression endangering others in day camp, feeling exhausted and just at the end ...

Have you ever found yourself in that place? That place you work so hard to avoid or deny exisits? You know what I'm talking about. That place at the end of yourself where you think you couldn't go another inch, another minute, or maybe even one more second longer?

I've been to that place. The place where you question everything. The place where you wonder aloud, "Can this really be where I'm at again???" The place where you have to ask, "Is this it?" and "Is this all there is?"

I worked SO HARD. SO VERY HARD. To heal. To hope. To protect. To be healthy. So. Very. Hard.

What have I learned from the past few years of leaving the life I was accustomed to? From surviving an unhealthy marriage? From going through extreme emotional difficulty?

I have learned;

• I can do this.
• I can ask for help.
• I can take time out.
• I can choose to live in the moment.
• I can have joy.
• I can choose peace.
• I can not allow others free rent in my mental space.

That's right. I can. I can do this.

Do I like how it feels? No.

Do I want to be "saved"? Maybe.

Is this the worst, scariest, most annoying, most traumatic, most awful place I've ever experienced? Close.

Is it pretty? No.

Can I do this?

YES.