The healing journey

Jesus, come and break my fear
Wake my heart and take my tears
Find your glory even here
When the hurt and the healer collide ...

http://www.klove.com/music/artists/mercyme/songs/the-hurt-the-healer-lyrics.aspx

So, healing. What is it? How do you do it? Can you make it happen faster?

Hmmm. For me, healing from a history of unhealthy relationships and learning healthy boundaries has been a definite process. A process that takes TIME.

(Does 35+ years sound like a long time???)

How much time? I can't say. I have to say I have come SO FAR since leaving an extremely unhealthy relationship (marriage). I know I still have a long, long way to go in my journey and also realize that some of the struggles I have today will continue to creep up as I continue my journey toward health and wholeness. Oh, maybe I won't be quite so "psycho banshee" when triggered by difficult circumstances (yes, I have a tendency to externalize ... it isn't always pretty). But, I am so thankful that God has allowed me to heal and continues to stand by and provide while I work on my, ehm, er, "issues".

One thing I have learned (or, maybe am still learning - yeah, still learning) is not to take things personally. I grew up in an environment in which every little criticism I took personally. "Someone" did "something" and suddenly I was defending myself. I am learning to let go of this defensiveness. I am learning to take responsibility for MY feelings, MY attititudes, MY actions and MY behavior.

So, how did I manage to get so healthy and so suddenly?? Ha ha ha ... no, really. I have discovered I am a raging recovering codependent. What does that mean? It means sometimes I try to rescue other people. And sometimes I want others to rescue me. It's really just niceness taken to an unhealthy, really poor boundaries kinda place. It is work. Hard work.

And, just when you think you are done and have worked on all you possibly can, there's more W-O-R-K. Yup. Work.